Parenting | Amy Volk - Live Better

Category Archives: Parenting

Letters to Mom #2 {A Guest Letter}

May 15, 2013 – 6:38 am

Do you remember my Letters to Mom series I started for this past Mother’s Day? I invited you all to share your letters to your mom on this blog and I am so thrilled to have had an amazing response to it.

Here is the first letter I received from someone. Everyone has their own journey with their mom, whether it be fabulous and un-flawed to painful to non-existent. Thank you Debi F. for being brave and courageous to share your story with us! We can learn lessons in each of our stories and walk forward in grace, forgiveness, and healing.

Mom,

Where do I begin? What do I say? Why am I even doing this?

Deep breath…..

I inch right to the edge of the emotional cliff as I begin to write you a letter, but I’m overwhelmed by the physical sensations that I have no control over.   My heart is pounding out of my chest, my hands are shaking and I have chills up and down my body as though a cold breeze just blew through the room.

Deep breath….

I want to be complete in our relationship, but how do I accomplish that when we have NO relationship. The sad part is that I’m really ok with it the way it is! There has been a sense of freedom not having to worry about every word I say (or don’t say) and every action I take (or don’t take), knowing that you always misinterpreted my intentions. There is freedom in not having to please you, not having to do it your way, not having to explain myself to you. There is FREEDOM!

I’m no longer angry, for I believe you did the best you could. But there is sadness, because your best wasn’t good enough. It left me robbed of the opportunity to experience what a mother-daughter relationship should be or could be in its purest form.

I don’t say this to hurt you, but I want you to know that I’m OK in spite of our relationship. Over the years I have established relationships with many women that helped to fill the void of not having you in my life. Women that have supported me, laughed with me, shopped with me, talked about raising children with me, encouraged me, drank wine with me, cried with me, shared authentically with me…..and loved me unconditionally – like a mom should!

I am most grateful for the fact that my boys are OK in spite of your & my relationship with each other! Being your daughter, I learned all the ways I didn’t want to be and all the things I didn’t want to say in relationship to my children. My proudest accomplishment in life is the depth of relationship I have with both Ben & Peter! We have mutual respect, we talk when we disagree, we laugh together, we apologize when we hurt each other – even when that’s not our intention, , and they know without question how special they are – exactly as they are, and how much they are loved!

I needed to dump all that baggage so I could clear the way to share what I really want to say. I want you to know that there are happy memories too – life lessons, family traditions and joyful moments that I have been able to hold onto and incorporate in my adult life.

1.      Your love of the beach; the ocean and sand, was ingrained in me.   When I sit at the beach, mesmerized by the repetition of the waves crashing on the shore, I feel peace in my heart knowing how much you would love to be there too.

2.      I think of you when I see PURPLE. I still have the amethyst jewelry you gave me – although I can’t remember the last time I wore it? I feel the urge to dig through my jewelry box in search of your purple! I must also acknowledge the fact that for the first time in my life I am wearing purple toe nail polish!

3.      I used to think you were so strange for eating apples with natural peanut butter – and now it is one of mine and Peter’s favorite snacks.

4.      Birthdays are so special to you! You would wake me up at 12:01 am to be the very first person to wish me a happy birthday! You taught me to fully celebrate the meaning of someone’s birthday and to allow it to last longer than just the 24 hours of the actual birthday.

5.      You gave the longest ‘mommy’ hugs! I didn’t really enjoy it as a child, but when I embrace Ben & Peter in a hug, I am never the one to initiate the ending of the hug! I will stay there with my arms wrapped around them as long as they will allow me!

6.      You made the most amazing chocolate mousse that I have ever in my entire life tasted! It was rich in taste, but oh so light in its texture! I remember it was a multi step process that had to be followed meticulously in order to ensure the desired outcome….and I was never able to master it myself. After I find the amethyst jewelry I’ll go in search of the chocolate mousse recipe!

7.      I remember watching the comedian Howie Mandel together. We laughed so hard we snorted, which made us laugh even harder, which made us snort some more….until tears of joy rolled down our faces.

I find myself judging the fact that I could only come up with 7 positive memories? But I guess seven is better than none! Our relationship was flawed to a point that it couldn’t continue, but in the midst of that – you left a positive mark and made a difference.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections | Tagged mom, parenting | Comments (0)

Happy Mother’s Day 2013

May 12, 2013 – 7:39 pm

Happy Mother’s Day! Sharing a few things from my day today.

Feeling immensely joyful.

And also thankful.

To everyone of you, thank you for being part of my motherhood journey!

My son is a man of few words, but he couldn’t have said more that meant more.

We ate breakfast at a place in Sundance Square called Cowtown. It’s officially my favorite joint now. Here are two things I loved from it.

I know it’s blurry. But it’s the coolest antler chandelier that has been spray painted silver. Really like.

Cowhide lamp. See the antler chandelier behind it? Love.

Here’s my real love, though.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections | Tagged mothering, mothers day | Comments (0)

How to Delegate House Work

May 8, 2013 – 5:49 pm

This is a reprise of a post from last year, but because I am speaking next week to a group of professional women on the topic of, “Can I Have it All?”, I’ve had the task of delegation on my mind.

Over the years of working, between working full-time to owning a business, I have learned to delegate those tasks that are not MY best and highest use of me. Yes, there are things and tasks that I do best and things and tasks that others do better than me. Those things, which I value the most and do the best, I cannot delegate. The rest, well, either it doesn’t get done or it gets done by someone else.

There is a great article this month in Working Mother magazine called Get Rid of Messy House Gui lt. It really does give great advice, starting with the notion of letting the standard of perfection go. Amen sisters.

But I’d like to stir the pot a little with another notion…that of delegation. I have long spoken to women, especially those of us who work any measure outside the home, about delegating. This isn’t the same as giving your kids chores to do. That should be a no-brainier. They should have chores and they should get rewards for doing them. But sometimes when I ask my kids to do something extra, they will say “what do I get for doing that”? Excuse me? You get to live here. And eat. And sleep in a bed. That’s what you get.

Sorry, I digress. Back to delegation. Here are the questions I pose to every group of women when I am speaking with them about How to Get it All Done, housework being one of them.

1. What am I doing that other people could or should be doing?

2. What am I doing that is really a way to hide from doing the things I don’t like doing?

3. What am I doing that I know I need to STOP doing?

Who else could clean your house? Maybe you can’t afford a house cleaner, but think about how you can delegate some of it, or all of it. Swap, trade, barter?

What are you doing for the people in your house that they could really do themselves? What do you hate doing?

I share this story often. I loathe two things…1) pairing socks from the dryer and 2) shredding papers. One day a magic thought happened and I decided to pay my small people to do these tasks. $1 for pairing socks in a giant basket I put them in and $5 for shredding (they were about 9 when I started this). They were thrilled and guess what? I was relieved.

Sometimes you tinker around the house doing things to avoid the “elephant in the room” and sometimes we do it to use the excuse of “I’m so busy, I couldn’t possibly__________(fill in the blank)”.

Even though I really like to clean (I know, I’m a freak of nature), I pay a house cleaner to clean twice a month. She does a terrific surface job but I still need to vacuum, pick up, manage the kitchen everyday, etc. But I never have to worry if the bathrooms will get cleaned, if the sheets will get changed, if the furniture will ever get dusted. It’s worth every penny. I will stop eating out and color my own hair before I let her go. It’s worth it that much to me.

So, answer the questions above honestly and get back to me.

By Amy | Also posted in Organizing, Organizing tips for the home | Tagged delegation, house cleaning, working mother | Comments (0)

Letters to My Mom

May 6, 2013 – 6:23 pm

I’m thinking about Mother’s Day. It’s always a strange holiday to me because, yes, while I’m a mom, I don’t have a mom. Well, of course I did have a mom, but if you have been reading this blog for any amount of time you know that she died 20 years ago after years of struggling with depression, addiction, and finally took her own life

When Mother’s Day rolls around I know my own little family celebrates me as a mom, but part of me really wants to celebrate my mom. Because before she got sad and addicted, she was a really fun, great mom. And I miss her so much. I miss the before mom, not the after mom.

I struggle to remember what she smelled like, what her teeth looked like, the sound of her laugh, the skin on her long crooked pinky finger, and most of all her voice. Oh, her voice. I want to remember her voice. But it’s not there. I can’t find it. So, on this Mother’s Day, I am going to write her a letter.

I am not sure what I will say, but I must write. To remember. To celebrate. To rejoice. And I’m asking that you’ll join me in writing a letter to your mom. If she’s alive or if she’s not, it’s of no matter, because writing a letter to her is for you anyway. You can be mad, you can thankful, you can be sad or frustrated, but one thing we all are, are daughters to someone we call Mom.

If you write and allow me to, I would love to feature your letters on this blog. I know I will have tears flowing as I write to my mom, Trudy.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections | Tagged being a mom, motherhood, mothers day | Comments (1)

Learning to Love Ourselves {Dove Real Beauty}

April 29, 2013 – 7:08 pm

This is important, this learning to love ourselves. Without it, we are critical and fault finding of ourselves and it transfers to others too.

I suppose that’s why when I see the Dove Real Beauty commercials and print ads they resonate with me. I want to love who I am so I can teach that to my daughter.

I have always loved Dove beauty products and not because it’s the only soap my husband isn’t allergic to, but because they have been a one-man show when it comes to addressing women’s body issues. Heck, part of their mission statement reads…

Imagine a world where beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety.

Just today, I had a conversation with my friend about her 9-year-old daughter who doesn’t like her tummy and is already saying things like, “I need to watch what I eat and exercise.” My own daughter has been saying her thighs are fat! Please, she is a size 00! I’m not immune either though, and honestly, I don’t know why I’m so critical of me.

It makes me sad that I see the wrinkles, the imperfections, and the gray hair as negatives. So, how do us moms go about teaching our daughters about a healthy self image when we ourselves struggle with it too?

I guess that’s why Dove’s mission feels so personal to me.

Their website is full of amazing information and my favorite is the Dove Self-Esteem Toolkit Recommender which encourages girls to embrace their unique beauty.

It doesn’t take long to impact a girl’s self-esteem. Just an hour of your time can make a big difference. Get simple, handpicked activity suggestions that are perfectly matched to you and the girl (or girls) in your life.-Dove.com

But by far, the most thought provoking and heart tugging thing they have done is their newest video, Real Beauty Sketches. Get a box of tissues out and be ready to have a talk with yourself. And your daughter, if you have one. We should all be talking about this video and having real conversation about how we see ourselves and what real beauty if about.

What were your thoughts after watching this? I just loved it so much and have shown a dozen people, my daughter included.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections, Video | Tagged beauty, children, kids, parenting | Comments (2)

How Old Should a Teen Be to Date?

April 23, 2013 – 5:30 pm

This post is more of a question than anything else. It’s a question about “How old should a teen be to start dating?”

I have 14 year old, 8th grade twins, right? We have told them that they can date, for real, when they are 16. In the meantime, they can like someone, but can’t do anything about it.

dosomething.org

No, I’m not driving you to the mall where he is so you can “shop”. No, you can’t hold hands. No, no, no. Plus, I insist that I am their Facebook, Instagram,and Twitter fan/follower {insert huge gasp here made by my teenage daughter}. My eyes are always watching.

Why 16? I am not totally sure, but it seems right and they can at least drive their date somewhere!

But it seems like we are mostly alone in this. Both in the dating thing and in the social media thing. So, I did a little research.

I found this from Voxxi.com and loved it…

The whole purpose of dating is to find someone that we want to spend the rest of our lives with. You try to find that “special someone” who is compatible with you. When you are 13 or 14 you’re not going to find your perfect match. As a matter of fact, only about 5% of high school sweethearts even end up getting married. Less than 2% of high school sweethearts stay married.

blissforsingles.com

My own protectiveness comes out because I did exactly the opposite of what I am imposing on my kids. After my step-dad died just days before my 14th birthday and the start of High School, my mom stopped parenting. What happens to a 14 year-old girl without a dad at home and mom who is disconnected? She finds other people to connect with. As in, boys to connect with. I didn’t know it then, but I was desperate to feel wanted. Needed. To be told I that I mattered.

And I found plenty of boys who were willing to fill that need.

I spent my freshman year of High School doing things I shouldn’t have been doing and it didn’t turn out well. By the grace of God {I mean that in the most literal sense}, I had friends who had parents that steered me onto a new path. Still, the lingering affects were a heart riddled with broken relationships and a deep sense of regret.

So, here I am with 14 year-old kids and no roadmap for parenting. But I know this; what I want most for my kids is that they like themselves, feel secure in our family unit, and love God. Being a teenager has enough drama without adding the dating scene to it.

As I go down this road of dating with them I tell them this: God created in you a whole heart. Every time you align your heart with someone else, you give them a small piece of it that you can never get back. By the time you meet the person you are to marry, you can either have a whole heart to give to them or one with missing pieces. So wait, because God will bring the perfect mate for you, in His time.

What are your thoughts on teenage dating? What does your family practice? I am truly interested to know and learn.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections | Tagged dating, parenting, teen dating, teens | Comments (10)

Organizing Apps to Help Us Live Better

April 17, 2013 – 11:12 am

courtesy of DrScottGraves.com

Not long ago I shared that I have ADD and that I am still an organized person. I get some help during my work week by taking Vyvanse, an adult ADD drug, and it helps me to stay focused, be less distracted, and not bounce from task to task without finishing anything!

The people over at Shire pharmaceuticals, the makers of Vyvanse, have a terrific newsletter that they send out called UDotheRest.com. This month featured dozens of apps that help with everyday tasks like staying organized, managing time, and limiting interruptions. I loved some of the apps so much that I wanted to share a few with you that I think can help all of us whether you have ADD or not.

The descriptors for each app are taken right from the UDotheRest website, but personally, I started using Things and Teux Deaux recently and LOVE them!

Evernote

While not a new app, if you have never played around with this one, it is totally worth your time.

Evernote makes it easy to remember things big and small using your computer, your phone, and the Web. Use it to capture your thoughts, ideas, inspiration, and things to remember all in one place. Infinitely useful for anything that’s noteworthy.

Key features

Capture photos, text notes, Web pages
Easy to organize and add tags
Notes are automatically indexed
Printed and handwritten text is searchable

Things

Things is a focused and intuitive task manager that helps you stay on top of the things you have to do. It manages to-do’s, notes, due dates, and projects simply and easily. Use the “Smart Today” list and scheduling feature to make the most out of your day.

Key features

Assign and tag priorities
Quick entry for capturing ideas
Sync with mobile devices
Track today’s work and what’s next

This app can help keep you on track and help get your to-do’s done on time. It helps you organize tasks based on due dates and priority. Project feature allows you to break complex projects down into steps.

NotifyMe

NotifyMe lets you create simple or recurring reminders quickly and easily. Simply launch NotifyMe and start typing. The interface is optimized for quick daily and on-the-go usage so you can manage reminders from anywhere. When a reminder is due, the notification pops up with an alert sound.

Key features

Fully cloud-based
Reminders are always with you
Set pre-alerts
Visual and auditory alerts

TeuxDeux

If you like making to-do lists, you will probably love TeuxDeux. This bare-bones but visually compelling and highly usable to-do app is browser-based and syncs with your iPhone^®. Use it at work/home and then take your to-do’s on the road with the mobile app.

Key features

Cross out/delete tasks and reorder tasks
Drag-and-drop tasks into different days
Keep tasks in the “Someday” section
Manage multiple accounts

Syncs remarkably fast. Scheduling a task for a specific day helps create a commitment to do it on that day. The “Someday” list is for everything else. It’s that simple.

{I especially love this one because I am an avid list maker and this is so easy to use!}

In other upcoming posts I will share some educational apps and some home management apps that I think are awesome. Do you have any apps or programs that help you Live Better?

By Amy | Also posted in Organization Tips For Work, Organizing, Time Saving Tips | Tagged Digital organizing, organize time, organizing apps | Comments (2)

Make a Summer Activity Binder {Video}

April 10, 2013 – 4:21 pm

Summer is only 2 months away, but us moms are already thinking about camps, vacations, and/or summer school! So what do you do with all those brochures, pamphlets, flyers, and registrations forms that you get in the mail or pick up for summer activities?

In this video I show you how to create a Kids Info binder for Summer Activities with labeled pocket folders for different categories. Here are the supplies you will need:

One 3-ring binder

A set of tabbed pocket folders

label maker or pen

I labeled my tabs Local, Fun, and Camps. You can label yours however you like. Just think about what makes sense to you, so when you go to put stuff in it or take it out, it’s easy to find!

Be sure to subscribe to my You Tube channel and not miss any of the Organizing Series Videos!

By Amy | Also posted in Organization for kids, Organizing tips for the home, Video | Tagged kids, organizing paperwork, summer plans | Comments (1)

Creating Easter Traditions {old & new}

March 28, 2013 – 3:58 pm

Easter has me thinking about traditions and how families celebrate different holidays. I know my little family has created some new traditions, like eating Chinese food on Christmas day, but Easter, not so much. And I miss the big family gathering we had when I was a little girl and know that because we don’t live near family, we don’t get to create those memories.

Still, I remember certain things that happened at my Grandparents house.

My favorite memory of Easter is my grandma’s Easter egg hunt. She had a huge yard and each year she would spend hours hiding real and plastic eggs. The plastic eggs always had money~coins, silver dollars, and occasionally a gold dollar coin or folded bills. There was always one giant shiny gold egg that was the coveted find. If you found that, well, then you just knew it was going to be a great year!

ediblecrafts.craftgossip.com

My 6 cousins and I shot out into the yard each Easter after our dinner and collected until there was no more to be had. We would then spend the next several hours comparing our treasures and counting the money. Of course, the giant shiny egg was the holy grail of Easter success and I think I only got it once.

This is NOT my family but I swear ours looked EXACTLY the same!
This is the Stebbins family

For the past 3 years we have celebrated Easter with another family here that also does not have family near. And last year we got to add Dave’s brother and wife to the mix! Now our Easter day is full of conversation and lots of eating and thanking the Lord.

I hope my kids have their own fun memories of celebrating Easter and even though the legend of the bunny that lays eggs has vanished from my 14 year olds world, I can still believe. So, with inspiration from an older couple in our church, we are going to do an teen Easter egg hunt this year.

When I suggested it to the twins their faces light up and they played it off cooly with, “sure.” I’ll take lots of pictures and let you know how it goes!

What are your family’s traditions at Easter? Please share.

By Amy | Also posted in Life Reflections | Tagged easter, family, life | Comments (2)

3 Tips for Picky Eater Syndrome {#TysonPickyEater}

March 26, 2013 – 12:00 pm

Just the other day, I bought a bag of Tyson Chicken Nuggets. It had been a really long time since I had bought nuggets of any kind because now that the twins are teenagers, I’m doing less of the fast-prep kind of food and they eat almost anything I make.

Eating them brought me right back to the years when they were little and I felt like I was cooking the same things over and over. Nuggets and corn. Nuggets and carrots. Nuggets and fries. Nuggets and fruit. I knew that protein was important for them to grow and the nuggets were a great way to get that protein.

My kids, like most kids, were picky eaters growing up and for several years, they only ate like 5 different things. Chicken Nuggets were one of them and we probably went through 500 bags until just a few years ago (OK, that’s probably an exaggeration. More like 350). But as they have grown older they have become less picky.

How did that happen? Here are 3 little picky-eater tips:

1) For starters I tried to never make a big deal out of food. By that I mean that I would make a meal, serve it, and let them eat at their own pace and without ever having to finish it all. I knew in my head that they wouldn’t starve to death and I didn’t want to have food battles.

2) I also decided early on that I would not be a restaurant. You know, make 4 different meals because someone doesn’t like what I’m making. No, I made one meal for the family and you ate what you ate. But you also couldn’t go snooping around for food after dinner because you didn’t eat any of it. If they were hungry at bedtime, I made them a bowl of cereal.

3) The best thing I decided to do was introduce all kinds of foods for them to try. I knew they would eat the nuggets so then I would add broccoli, or asparagus, salad, and different fruits. They didn’t have to like it or finish it, but they had to try it! It’s amazing what kids will try when they know they have the right not to like it.

Now they eat all kinds of foods so the nuggets were a real treat the other night. If you still have little ones at home and they eat nuggets, you should know that Tyson Chicken Nuggets are 100% natural with no preservatives or fillers and have zero grams of trans fat per serving

Tyson® Chicken Nuggets are a great start at a healthy plate. Learn how to get a free colorful plate to make mealtime more fun on their Facebook Fan Page!

Now that I’ve shared how I got my picky eaters to eat balanced meals, share your success story for a chance to win a $1,000!